Letters to Derek
by Adrian Hunter
Summary: Scott tells himself that it's for the pack, it's for Peter , and that it's for their fallen- especially Stiles- when he writes letters to Derek.
1. At first

_A/N:Full Summary__:_

_Scott tells himself that it's for the pack, it's for Peter , and that it's for their fallen- especially Stiles- when he writes letters to Derek._

_Scott will write to Derek because they need him (Scott doesn't need him), he will write to Derek because of what Derek used to be to Stiles (because he owes Stiles that much) He will write, not because Scott is as broken as he is, not because of what Derek was to him and definitely not because of what Derek wasn't to him._

_Notes:[Derek Hale/Scott McCall, past Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, past Scott McCall/ Alison Argent, Previous Character deaths (not major), almost unrequited love(?), Peter Hale needs a hug, Two years later, letterfic]_

_So this is my first Derek/ Scott;I have other fics that I'm writing at the mooment, buuuuuhhh This fic Demanded me to write it. Enjoy!_

* * *

Dear Derek,

Hello-um (I don't know proper protocol to this kind of thing, yes I did learn how to write a letter in English class; but it's weird)

It's been a while since we last saw each other-almost two years now. I tried your phone some time ago, when it said that your number was disconnected. I did manage to get your address, though- I'm sure you're wondering how I got this, your address, and well, I can only say that it was through some Painful digging.

I-uhm, well, have a good day? I don't know-

Beacon Hills is different without you.

Yours Sincerely,

Scott


	2. Once More, With Feeling pt, 1

Dear Derek,

Life would be a whole lot easier if you could call me, give me your number or maybe write back or better yet, come back to Beacon Hills.

There, I said it.

We need you.

Sincerely,

Scott

P.S: Please reply this time.


	3. Once More, With Feeling pt 2

Dear Derek,

I know it's hard- I truly do. I know this place, this place that you ran away from(are running away from) holds so many memories- painful memories. I know that everything reminds You have to remember the good things- the good times. It's what they would have wanted. And I know that the good things, most of them remind you of Stiles. Heck, all the good things around this place remind me of Stiles too! I see it every day, I have to live through it every day- I have to face it just like you Derek. And don't be upset when I say this, but I just think this it needs to be said, okay?

You can't just dump everything and everyone -all the other things that made you happy and try to forget them completely.

You know that's what you're doing.

I hoped I wouldn't have had to mention Stiles until the twentieth letter or when you came maybe? I don't know, I just didn't want to-

Okay, I can't-

I'm sorry.

Sincerely,

Scott


	4. What Would You Do

Dear Derek,

Does it bother you when I write to you? Do you feel bothered? Agitated? Annoyed? Put off? Do you feel uncomfortable? Do you want to forget me too? Do you want to be alone? When you have people who care about you? Do I remind you of Stiles?

I attach my number in each and every letter that I write to you- with new hope(every single time) that you'll call me. Please call me?

I would find you- I know where you live, I wouldn't hesistate to show up at your door step, you know that. It's just that I don't have the money and mom and Mr. Stilinski won't let me out their sight. They cling onto me like I'm a baby or something. Mr. Stilinski sometimes treats me like I'm the only thing closest to a son that he'll ever have. They aren't together-mom and him, but I think they bond, over what happened. I'm happy that Mr. Stilinski isn't doing that bad, but you can only feel so happy when you can't tell if someone you care about can't bear to look at you because you remind them so much of their Loss or if they can't stop looking at you, petting you, and loving you because you're the closest thing they've got to a son who's-

Oh god.

This is painful.

We care about you Derek, all of us, the rest of the pack. You think I'm the only one missing you? I'm not, everyone does, everyone...I mean even Jackson misses you!

And Peter, oh Peter...he'll never admit it, but Peter misses you.

So much.

Sincerely,

Scott


	5. We're All Vulnerable

Dear Derek,

Guess what? I've got the flu. Aren't werewolves supposed to be immune to this kind of thing? It sucks- like a whole ton of sucks. Like alll-the-gas-at-the-gas-station-when-no-one-has-bought-gas-yet kind of sucks.

Oh my throat.

Arrrggghh(Bleeding onto paper)

No, I'm not bleeding, but I might as well be with the way I'm feeling!

*tears*

Those are my flu tears, not emotional tears or anything like that.

Scott

P.S: I already went to Peter about it, yes, but your Uncle just waved me off and told Isaac to make me something really vile ( I bet you didn't think I knew the word vile) Anyway said drink was a really vile and disgusting tea that Isaac wasn't answering questions about when I asked about it. Sounds shifty to me...I would have asked about it if I had known, but how was I supposed to know that Isaac could produce something that's not full of love and not totally delicious and amazing?

I saved him the pain of being thrown up on, by sprinting by the power of my werewolf speeds-nearly dumping the chunks that were about to come out of my mouth on Jackson...

And Jackson? Well, let's just say...

HE DID NOT LIKE IT AT ALL.


	6. It Doesn't Make Me Feel Better

Derek,

Even if you don't want to grace any of us with your presence or do me the courtesy of friggin trying to write back, I swear...I swear that one of these days, I'm just going to wolf out and run.

I'll run, Derek.

And I will find you.

I will find you- I will show up at your doorstep- and even though you are stronger than me, I swear I will friggin beat to to pieces because I'm SO ANGRY. I'm Angry that you would just up and leave and not tell us a single thing . I'm Angry because you left your pack, your family- hell, the only family you had after the Fire. And the only family you continue to have after the Alpha pack destroyed our lives, everyone else wants to Understand you, wants to Baby you, wants to Give you time- FUCK THAT.

You think I don't miss Stiles? You think he meant less to me just because You guys were dating? Stiles was my Life, Stiles, my mom and his dad were the only family I had before your uncle came along and bit me. Alison was like my other best friend, even when we broke up- we were good, I loved her.

Have you even tried-have you even thought about Jackson? What it's like for him? How do you think he feels, huh? How do you think he feels - how do you think he felt when he lost Danny and Lydia? You're not the only one who lost people, Derek.

Why do I have to lose you too?

Why are you so fucking _selfish?_


	7. I Won't Let You Go

Derek,

I'm sorry.

I mean it- I'm not giving up on you.

Scott (always here for you)


	8. Who was and is for Years to Come

_**A/N: Hello lovely people.**_

_**So I've realised this actually has more plot than I thought it would have.**_

_**I strongly suggest that you start reading Adrift THoughtless Minds- the companion fic to this whilst you read Letters to Derek because you get to see and understand things from someone other than Scott- plus it explains stuff.;)**_

_**The Chapter title is from a Gospel song I can't remember...**_

* * *

Derek,

My flu came back in full throttle and I feel really horrible. I'm literally sneezing all over the place. Peter has chased me from his presence three times now- saying that I'll give him my dirty werewolf germs. As if he wasn't the Kentucky Fried Werewolf who was in the hospital for God knows how long and then crawled out of the soil where there was probably maggots and all sorts of gross things– he probably got maggots in his belly button…urgghh. No amount of bathing can change that.

He did give us all a Jesus moment, maybe they even exchanged notes- maybe he even tried to one up Jesus like the douche he is. I mean , dying for the dude who died for his sins to sin again. Total Peter. I sometimes do not know how you guys are related.

Anyways I've been watching a lot of Supernatural, there's this guy Castiel who cares about this Dean guy way too much. But I dig this other guy Crowley and sometimes I think Lucifer is a chilled guy.

I know that must sound weird. Peter says it's dumb- Peter doesn't know anything anyway and Peter calls me dumb too. But I'm not-

Peter infuriates me, sometimes I want to kill your uncle. Like you did XD ( please be laughing) We got into a religious argument the other day actually, about why people believe in God, Peter went on about puny non-werewolves who need to think there's some higher entity that looks down from the skies and plans our lives because we can't deal with the reality of Life. I disagreed with him saying that it's not about not being able to deal on your own, but actually a matter of _Faith_. Maybe sometimes People need a little bit of help from some bigger guy when we're feeling like we're nothing, but if the bigger guy thinks we're something, then we're like, _Well at least this guy thinks I'm worth something_, and that makes it a bit easier because at the back of your mind, you'll remember that at the end of the day, there will be something who cares about you no matter what you do, and that's where you have Faith. I think?

Isaac looked at you like that, all the time. I think you were, I think you probably still are this person he looks up to like, a _brother_? Yeah, a brother.

Anyway, I hope I'll hear from you soon.

Scott


	9. Because He Can't

_**A/N: I **_**_wasn't supposed to throw in this guy till Hmmm...maybe 3000 years? Lol joking._**

**_im trying to understand and plan out Adrift whilst writing this, that's why I took so long. But I've reached a compromise- so enjoy!_**

_Dear Scott,_

_Hey, I-_

Derek crumples up the paper immediately and throws it across the room- _again ._It lands next to a dozen more crumpled letters. _Letters to Scott._

He wants to talk to Scott, so much- he wants to have at least a little connection with the last person that seems to want something to do with him.

But Derek remembers too much, all the time and Derek thinks too much, all the time.

The mind is a dangerous place sometimes- his mind is no better.

If he was strong enough- if he was the Derek Hale he used to be, the 'Derek' Laura and Stiles knew then he wouldn't be here, he would be there- with his pack, picking up the pieces of the life he now has with them.

But Derek lost a bit more than pieces and a bit more than everything- _how could you get anything back if you had nothing?_

_Scott isn't nothing._

"Scott isn't nothing," he voices.

Derek wants to talk to Scott, he wants to tell Scott a little bit about where is he and what he is doing, Derek wants-

_A replacement._

"Scott is not a replacement," he mutters to himself angrily.

Derek will talk to Scott, he'll write to Scott again and he'll call Scott- _yes_, he'll call him.

_Yes! _

Derek picks up the pen again and get a new sheet of paper-

_But __**you're**__ nothing, Derek._

He puts down the pen- _again_

One day, he will write to Scott, when he is better, when all he sees isn't _Stiles_.

"I'm sorry, Scott."


	10. Sighing

Derek,

Hey, how are you?

Miss you, dude. (No homo? o.o)

Jackson did a thing yesterday. I'm so Not telling you what it is, BUT, I will tell you that we all laughed- for the first time- even Peter. I think he might have met someone new? Someone that's good for him you know- someone making him happy.

Then I thought, maybe you met someone who's making you happy, too.

Is there? Someone making you happy?

Sorry, none of my business- I guess I'm supposed to be telling you that you should have seen it. I mean I've never seen Boyd and Jackson work together so well, or have them come together for our sake- to make us feel more _human_? I guess- they made us laugh- it was if they were playing.

That reminded me of what we used to do- our training and our runs and our routines.

Erica was glowing and Peter and Isaac were sharing glances and grins- which I found very Strange.

Anyway, it was a fun thing-to see, I guess.

Wish you could have seen it.

Wish you were here.

Scott


	11. And the Soul Chokes

Derek,

I'm sick.

As in really sick, I guess it's because I stopped taking the weird werewolf cold juice that Peter gives us-

What's a cold or any kind of sickness really when you're already dying from the inside?

Read that and see me laughing as I say or write it. I want to feel you feel me happy, it's what you want, isn't it? It's what you want for all of us. I should stop being selfish.

You wish it was Stiles' but it's not,

Scott

P.S: Mr. Stilinski tried to give me Stiles' old jeep


	12. Word Idiot

Derek,

Have you ever noticed how no matter what happens, life seems to move around you, regardless of what happened yesterday, what happens today and what will happen tomorrow? People will wake up to a new day, with or without remnants of the days before.

I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't want to forget them, everyone is moving on, but I'm not. I don't even go out now, I feel too sick, but Peter spoke to mom about my condition and she just gives me soup and the werewolf juice. Sometimes I feel strong enough to go outside for a walk, and when I do, I remember a time when I had asthma a boy named Stiles was my best friend, and a girl named Allison was the love of my life.

During these times, I always wonder how people just forget, and I understand why they want to forget- because it's not like they're people that are miles away from me that I can at least see once in a while, and when I see them, I can get all feely because then I'd remember all the reasons they are special.

They are not those people because they are dead and to be honest I've been feeling a little bit dead too.

So I find these little pieces of all of them, and I bottle them up, so that one day when they are the people that are less than miles away, people I can see all the time, people that are with me, then I will let myself feel something other than this.

I'm not good at words, I've never been at words, but when I write to you, I feel right. And I feel like half the time I'm saying the wrong right thing or the right wrong thing.

It's just a letting things out, I guess.

I don't have a lot of things to be happy about, but writing to you gives me something- I'm stupid with words Derek, but I don't think I'm stupid with you.


End file.
